Buoy Don’t Float

So I was taking the greyhound back to Berkeley from LA. Scariest greyhound I’ve ever taken. Just getting on the bus, it felt like everyone was staring at me, thinking: Let’s all take advantage of the skinny little asian kid. Anyway, I kind of wished I was on the Vietnamese bus that drops you off at a random Oakland pho shop.

On the greyhound, we stop at Coalinga junction–the halfway point. The busses always stop at Burger King where i’m sure the drivers get free food for bringing a bus load of people to Burger King’s doorstep. (I always walk far off into the distance to go to Carl’s, Jr.) They give you 15 minutes to eat lunch/dinner–lunner for those who are familiar. I finished early and returned to my seat on the greyhound. Five minutes later, as the bus driver was preparing to leave to Berkeley, the person next to me had not returned to his seat.

So my simple dilemma was whether or not to speak up about his absence. On one hand, I felt like I had the obligation to help this stranger out even despite the idea that I secretly hated him for hogging the middle handrest. Besides, I’m probably the only one who knows he is missing and about to be deserted in the desert. On the other hand, I don’t really know the guy. He just happened to have the only available seat when I boarded. For all I know, he could easily have switched seats. I mean, it’s pretty obvious when the giant greyhound bus is leaving, right?

So, I did what any one in my situation would do. (Probably not true) I used probability and decision analysis. For no reason except that I was completely uncertain, I convinced myself that the missing guy had a 50/50 chance of being in a different seat or off the bus (perhaps restroom). So I had four equally probably outcomes. (1 decision + 2 possibilities = 4. Trust me.)
1. I could tell the bus driver that my new-found bus friend is missing and be wrong because he’s in another seat. (And be publicly humiliated in a hostile environment.)
2. I could tell the bus driver that my new-found bus friend is missing and be right because he’s in the bathroom at Burger King. (Be somewhat thanked by guy I don’t really like and not get my own seat.)
3. I could not tell the bus driver and my new-found bus friend could be in another seat. (Lose nothing.)
4. I could not tell the bus driver and my new-found bus friend could be in the bathroom at Burger King. (Lose nothing, except in the case that guy catches up to bus and yells at me for not having spoken up on his behalf–which we will assume is very unlikely. Plus, don’t feel bad because I won’t know actual outcome.)

So, the decision I made was not to tell the bus driver anything. In this way, I avoided the chance of public humiliation, which outweighs a sure to be half-assed thank you. (In util sense, the utility of public humiliation was too low, so I chose the middle utility option–the safe bet–which in this case was to take no action. Sorry, Greyhound pseudofriend.